Monday, September 21, 2009


I have created a caringbridge website for pawpaw where i will be updating from now on!!!!

visit at

thanks again for all your prayers.

Saturday, September 19, 2009


Just came out of Pawpaws room in the ICU! He is alert and knew who I was. I walked in and said hey pawpaw its your favorite granddaughter and he smiled and nana asked him if he knew who it was and he shook his head yes. He is still on the ventilator and has tubes coming out of his next for a process called the blood plasma exchange to help fight the bad antibodies from killing the good antibodies. He is going to be recieving 2pints of blood today because his red blood cell and white blood cell count is down, which is expected after chemo. But all in all the Lord is near and I know he is going to come through this. Keeping praying for strength and peace. Also my nana is having a hard time, she is on an emotional roller coaster and prayers for her right now would be great!!!!

Thank you for everything and all the prayers!!!
LoVe and WaR eAgLe!!!

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Chemo Day !

PawPaw did well with radiation and chemo yesterday. He is resting well and sedated so he is not feeling the effects that those two medications normally have on people. He has two more rounds of chemo for the next two days and he will also be recieving radiation everyday. I know God has a plan for him and he is strong. The hardest part is not being able to talk to him. I want to be with him everyday and hold his hand and tell him I love him, but I have to be in Auburn and that is becoming a bigger challenge everyday. Please continue to pray for him as he is recieving these treatments.

Thank you to everyone who has been praying for pawpaw and emily. They are both two amazing people that I love and care so much for!!!

Please visit Emily's website to learn more about her and her daily updates at

Sunday, September 13, 2009


PawPaw just got back from the radiation and he did great!! visitation is at 1:30 so im going to try visiting him again, hopefully i can hold it together and be strong for him and my grandmother (nana). Nana is feeling overwhelmed and this whole thing has been extremely hard for her. Just a few minutes ago she got upset crying saying that this has been a complete nightmare. so i am praying for her strength and trust in God. She is having a hard time because she said she doesnt know how God could let such a horrible thing happen to such a good hearted man. I can only say that God does these things to bring us closer to Him. So he can hold us and show us his love. God is above all and he has plans for us all. Praying for healing and strength.


As I am sitting here in the ICU waiting room with several family members I decided to let everyone know the progress he is making. He is in the ICU on the ventilator. They took him off the ventilator for 25 minutes today and he did well no drops in his oxygen levels and his vitals remained well. Today was the first time I was able to see him since he has been put in the hospital and it was difficult. I could only stay in there for less than a minute because seeing him like was hard. They made me leave the room so he wouldn’t hear me crying. They are taking him now to radiation to attack the tumor so his immune system can make progress and stop attacking itself. We are hopeful that he can be off the ventilator long enough to get his radiation. Tomorrow he will get his second round of chemotherapy. The next few days are going to be the hardest for him and the family. He will be weak and heavily sedated. So I pray for his strength and for his lungs to support him for the time he needs to retrieve his treatments.
I am praying this “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. “ –Isaiah 41:10.
Thank you to everyone that is praying and to those that have been keeping me busy to keep my mind off of it.

Friday, September 11, 2009

"When it rains, it pours"

Sitting here tonight thinking alot about this past month and everything that has been thrown my way. As many of you all now in late July I found out my grandfather was diagnosed with an inoperable small cell cancer in his lungs. Luckily it was found early and is really small. In the meantime he was very sick not breathing well, dizzy and extremely weak. Seeing him 2 weeks ago and staying with him for an entire was hard and very tiring. He was weak and couldnt walk so we had to help him get to wherever he needed to go:bathroom, recliner, bed. He once again had a drop in BP and was extremely dehyydrated so he went back to the hospital last week. He has since then on Sunday was taken to the ICU to be placed on the ventilator so his body could rest. He has been diagnosed with Lambert-Eaton syndrome which is very rare it happens in 3% of the people with his type cancer. It causes all the symptoms of weakness, vocal strain, and severe breathing problems. So the decision was made to act quickly and aggressively to kill the tumor with radiation and chemo. He underwent his first radiation today and is ill and very agitated. He will finish radiation on Sunday then straight into chemo on monday. It is especially hard for me living in Auburn and not being able to help. I have a need to help and it hurts knowing I can't physically be their to do anything. Because I havent been feeling well this week I wasnt able to go see him because. After talking with a friend this week, I realized I am in auburn for a reason, simply to pray for him. Because sometimes in all the helping you can forget the most important thing in these situations:PRAYER. So I know being here is bringing me closer to HIM and making me realize just how much we are loved by God!!!!

Secondly my dear friend, Emily who i consider family is in the ICU and also on a ventilator fighting ARDS caused by double pneumonia. After finding this out my heart broke and I began to think God i cant take anymore. Naturally I think to help. What can I do, and again im sick so the hospital is not where i can be right now. Knowing that i cant help in the way that I want to with my grandfather, all of that kind of flooded over to do anything and everything I can. So i have been hanging out with the kids AK and Garrett. So for the time to come with Em's recovery i will be praying hard for her and her family to get through what is going to be a long journey ahead!

So tonight i was thinking of the phrase "When it rains, it pours" then I recieved and email from a friend about a NOOMA video we will be teaching our youth this sunday. Its called rain and it put everything in perspective of how and why this could be happening, He is constantly reminding of how good he is and how he is with us everywhere we go. As we cry out for Him to wrap his healing hands around our friends and family, he is right here saying I love you!!!

here is the link to the video, really think it is worth watching:

Saturday, July 4, 2009

It's been awhile!!!!

After returning from BigStuf I have been wanting to share some of the things I learned there. Even though BigStuf is aimed at kids in middle school and high school, I think you are never too old to learn something new. The first thing that really hit home was one of the talks from Jared. Before going to Bigstuf I began thinking a lot about RELATIONSHIPS… Whether or not it would ever be right for me? I look around at different couples in different situations and see love and heartache. So I ask myself, Why even put yourself through it? Well, this is what I learned.
You can go down two different paths in a relationship. I) The path that everything is right and you love one another the way God meant for love to be. 2.) The wrong path!!!!! This is the one I feel like I see all around. People loving the way they think it should be, not the way God intended to be. So I think of the phrase I hear often in church Love Wins!!! True, but that is always GOD’S Love that Wins not our own version of what we think love should be.

Okay so to my point now, there are 6 areas or degrees of a relationship each one with a rating 1 to 10.

1.) The Emotional Area:
#1- you like someone, a little you think they are attractive and you talk occasionally.
#10- you have a high emotional connection

2.) The Physical Area:
#1- you hold hands
#5- Kiss
#10- Sex
3.) The Social Area:
#1- you see each other in Groups, She has her friends and he has his friends.
#10- You become ONE socially. You have the same friends.

4.) The Intellectual Area:
#1- You talk about your own separate ideas with one another.
#10- You share ideas, you want to do the same things.
5.) The Spiritual Area:
#1- you go to church together
#5- you pray for each other
#10- You have a spiritual connection. You move towards God together. Pray Together

6.) The Commitment Area:
#1- You hangout
#5- Your dating just each other
#10- Marriage.

So how these 6 areas work in one. There is a need that exists for these 6 areas to stay on the same level. They should also progress slowly. When they do not stay on the same level that is when you end up on the wrong path relationally. So what I mean as staying on the same level is when you are at a #1 in the beginning of your relationship emotionally, socially, intellectually, spiritually, and in commitment you can not jump to a #10 physically without something going wrong. That is not how God meant for our relationships to be.

Not Sure why this topic was my favorite. I just know it made me realize alot. One thing I do know is you can't have a true love with another person until you have a true honest love with God!!! Only then can you have a relationship that is pure.